Friday, January 25, 2013


               GEEK SQUAD
     We called him "the mad scientist" in high school.
     Now he runs a meth lab. And he really WAS a mad scientist. He was responsible for a whole slew of designer drugs. Now it seemed he had one more.
     "The Mother of all designer drugs!" he crowed, pushing his glasses back up on his nose before they slid off. His longish hair stuck out in all directions. Who could afford to worry about grooming, when there was so much fun to be had in the laboratory?
     "So listen," he continued arbitrarily, "If you could choose to enhance one of your senses, and eliminate another -- which would you choose?" He had a very disturbing glint in his eyes.
     "Um... That was random. Seriously?" I asked.
     Dude's been drinking his own kool aid.
     "Yeah, buddy, seriously!"
     I spaced out, watching spittle spew from his lips as he went into some story about super mutant races or something. He's been reading too many comic books.
     "Um..." I tried to rack my brain and think of something to impress him with. I wanted him to think kindly of me as he was my supplier.
     "OK, how about, um, I don't need smell, right? And how about enhanced hearing? It'd be good for eavesdropping."
     "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.
     "Uh, I guess, why?"
     "No reason," was the last thing i heard...
     Until I woke up feeling nauseated. There was a hellacious buzzing in my ears that was really annoying me. I tried to sit up, but my equilibrium seemed off. I threw up.
     "Hey, hold on, buddy!" boomed The Geek.
     I put my hands up to cover my ears, and found they were stuffed with cotton. I took one out gingerly, and my head nearly exploded with the ringing of a huge ass bell. I crammed the cotton back in, remembering the grade school a few blocks away. I could tell recess was over, the buzz abated as they re-entered the school.
     He was standing there looking all proud of himself, rocking back and forth on his heels.
     "You didn't..." I started. "You couldn't..."
     He nodded happily. "I did! And because you are my very best customer, you had a choice! And now I'm gonna reward you -- I'll give you all the drugs you want, and in return, you'll peddle these little assorted packages of my new designer drugs. It'll be interesting to see the results!"
     His glee broke through and he rang triumphant. "I AM A GOD!" he roared. Literally.
     I cringed. I snatched up the packages and weaved unsteadily to my car.
     Hey, watch out for the... dogshit," he cautioned, a bit too late.
     I looked down at my feet, encased in a huge pile of steaming glop.
     Funny, it didn't smell.
  --Shayla Kwiatkowski, 2013
     --This is another little fun story written for a Writer's Digest prompt. The prompt was that a mad scientist asks which of the 5 senses you would choose to enhance or delete. You didn't have a choice to refuse but you got a choice.

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